the day I got humbled

I remember an experience I had.  I went to the airport to pick up a girl I had a crush on. She had a layover and so I to pick her up and hang out for a couple hours. I spent a lot of time convincing her to stay for a few extra hours and catch a later flight, which she did.  I thought it was an awesome time, and we both had fun.  You can imagine my sadness when I did not hear from her for nearly 2 weeks. My thoughts were “did I push it, was I overbearing and what did I do wrong ?”.  I remember when I got a call from her and I had the opportunity to ask her what happened, why she had not returned my phone calls? To my disappointment it was in the way I acted, and had nothing to do with “pushing it”, or wanting it too muc. it had everything to do with how I made her feel. 

One of the things that originally attracted me to this girl was her interest in everyone around her.  I met her in a very social situation, with people from many walks of life. There were many who were "socially awkward" and probably did not have a lot to social experience in their lives.  She talked to everyone, regardless of class or social status, and made everyone feel a little bit better for having talked to her.  Just by asking a few simple questions and taking the time to listen, she made these people feel like rock stars.

This continued on that fateful afternoon. She very quickly asked about me, my family, my roommate, his family, so on and so forth. I was really drawn to this. We went to my roommate's parents’ house for dinner, and instantly she was talking to his dad, his mom, his sister, and all those there. His parents later commented on  how special person she was.  

 I love people who love people, and are so interested in the lives of others. There are so many people who just need to be heard. This is evidenced in sacrament meetings when it seems like some people are just talking to be heard. They don't really bear testimony, but share stories and experiences that would be more appropriate to share with friends and family. However because they have no one to share this with, they do so in the only outlet they see, an open pulpit with an audience (albeit somewhat trapped audience). I have often thought how sad it might be to have no one to listen to you, and the despair that comes with not having that outlet.  That is why when someone like this girl, so aware of others, enters into your life, it is a special thing, something to be remembered. Just as she did when I met her, and at my roommates parents house, she made people feel better about themselves.

Now put yourself in the shoes of that girl, the great listener. She spent her days and her nights, listening to others, giving those people an outlet, giving them someone who cares. However this girl is just like the rest, needing an outlet, someone to listen . The listeners also need that person, a close friend who knows and can sense when they need to "unload". A lot of times that person is a close friend, a mother or father, a sibling, or more importantly, a spouse. So, with yourself in this young woman's shoes, imagine the disappointment when the one you would hope would ask about you and your life, doesn't.  That is what I did.  I was so focused on how she made me feel, I didn't think about how she felt. I didn't ask about her. I let the conversation be about me, and the great feelings of having someone so interested in me. I even commented to my friends later it was so nice to have someone so "into me”. I hyper-focused on how I felt, not remembering how she felt. I had the opportunity to be the listener, to give that person an outlet for their feelings and thoughts, and I blew it.

I think I remember this lesson, not only because of the consequences, but especially because of the feelings that resonated in my heart and mind. I had caused someone to feel less than they did before.   Many times in my life, I did this because I felt I had nothing to offer, and it was so much easier to talk about me than them. I have business partners, who always counseled to focus on her, and I knew that, but in that moment I gave in to the seductive and enticing feeling of letting it be about me.

 Much more than a physical connection is the emotional, spiritual connection that comes with listening, sincerely listening, to the heart and desires of the one you're with. Giving them the opportunity, through questions and a genuine conversation, to feel heard and appreciated,  does more for their self-worth than a million compliments.  It is a comforting feeling to know you have someone who listens to you. Going further, in callings, business, life in general, we will have the opportunity to come in contact with many people. How many of them just need someone to listen, to take a sincere interest in their life? How many people could be brought to their Savior, because one of his servants took the time, to take the focus off themselves, and to put it on someone else?

I realize how hyper- focusing on yourself can leave others feeling at best and disappointed, at worst, alone and unappreciated.  I imagine what it's like for the Savior, who gave so much, and listen to so many, to be ignored and put aside by the distractions of an attention needy world.  He asked us, if we love him, to just keep his commandments and follow him. May we not only listen to the Savior, but listen to others. I am willing to bet, like the Scriptures say, as we lose our lives in the service of others, we will find our own.  Many times that service is simply listening and taking an interest in someone else.  

I think many of us are fearful for missionary service, because we don't want to start "that" conversation. It seems hard and awkward, and sometimes even inappropriate in certain settings. We imagine the great missionaries that we have heard, being able to preach the gospel in any situation. I would submit listening and take an interest in the lives of others, is the best way to start this endeavor.  Many times we don't know how to breach the subject, yet if we would just listen, I am willing to bet that we will learn something from what they say that will give us that opportunity to preach the gospel. Teaching the gospel is not always talking, I believe a big part of it is listening. Although sometimes overused, the age old adage still rings true, they don't care what you know, until they know how much you care.

The only Tue Church?

-         -  Sometimes the subtleness of the gift prevents us from appreciating the magnitude of the gift. The Lord gives gifts of the Spirit and it takes a grateful and aware heart and mind to recognize that is from the Lord.

-           - The membership in the only true church, while vital, is not the saving principle. It is following the teachings, and participating in the ordinances therein that get us closer to Christ and help us get back to our heavenly father. In response to the question, how can you say you have the only true church, or how arrogant it is to state such, we are not concerned with that badge. The importance of that claim is to know where we can encounter all truth necessary to return to our heavenly father. Therefore, our invite to all is to come and try it, see for yourself, and “prove the Lord”, and see if your life, knowledge, and eternal standing are not infinitely better for your living what is taught in this "ture chuch". The proof is in the pudding.  We are not concerned with, and do not boast in that claim.  

“The Church, with all its organizational structure and programs, offers many important activities for its members aimed at helping families and individuals to serve God and each other. Sometimes, however, it can appear that these programs and activities are closer to the center of our heart and soul than the core doctrines and principles of the gospel. Procedures, programs, policies, and patterns of organization are helpful for our spiritual progress here on earth, but let’s not forget that they are subject to change….In contrast, the core of the gospel—the doctrine and the principles—will never change. Living according to the basic gospel principles will bring power, strength, and spiritual self-reliance into the lives of all Latter-day Saints.” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Developing Christlike Attributes,” Ensign, Oct 2008, 4–9)

Further responses from one of my buddies:

As baptized and endowed members we gave away our agency and promised to keep the commandments/covenants. The agency was in play as to whether to be baptized and receive our endowments, having done so we turned in our "agency" ticket to the Lord. I wonder if that concept can be taken all the way back to the council in Heaven...essentially everyone on earth already made their choice, which was to follow the Savior. We have no right to chose otherwise at a later moment. Anyway, not sure how that relates to the article, I just think it's an interesting point.

His thought reminded of a portion of a talk by Pres. Kimball:

“One of the basic tasks for each individual is the making of decisions. A dozen times a day we come to a fork in the road and must decide which way we will go. Some alternatives are long and hard, but they take us in the right direction toward our ultimate goal; others are short, wide, and pleasant, but they go off in the wrong direction. It is important to get our ultimate objectives clearly in mind so that we do not become distracted at each fork in the road by the irrelevant questions: Which is the easier or more pleasant way? or, Which way are others going?
Right decisions are easiest to make when we make them well in advance, having ultimate objectives in mind; this saves a lot of anguish at the fork, when we’re tired and sorely tempted.
When I was young, I made up my mind unalterably that I would never taste tea, coffee, tobacco, or liquor. I found that this rigid determination saved me many times throughout my varied experiences. There were many occasions when I could have sipped or touched or sampled, but the unalterable determination firmly established gave me good reason and good strength to resist.
… The time to decide that we will settle for nothing less than an opportunity to live eternally with our Father is now, so that every choice we make will be affected by our determination to let nothing interfere with attaining that ultimate goal.
Develop discipline of self so that, more and more, you do not have to decide and redecide what you will do when you are confronted with the same temptation time and time again. You only need to decide some things once!
How great a blessing it is to be free of agonizing over and over again regarding a temptation. To do such is time-consuming and very risky.
We can push some things away from us once and have done with them! We can make a single decision about certain things that we will incorporate in our lives and then make them ours—without having to brood and redecide a hundred times what it is we will do and what we will not do.
Indecision and discouragement are climates in which the Adversary lives to function, for he can inflict so many casualties among mankind in those settings. … If you have not done so yet, decide to decide!
How wonderful it would be if we could just get every Latter-day Saint boy and girl to make up his mind or her mind during childhood to say, “I will never yield to Satan or to anybody who would want me to destroy myself.”
The time to quit evil ways is before they start. The secret of the good life is in protection and prevention. Those who yield to evil are usually those who have placed themselves in a vulnerable position.”
“Chapter 10: Fortifying Ourselves against Evil Influences,” Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Spencer W. Kimball, (2006),102–13

Utah's #1 in porn

I received the following from one of my friends in regards to the KSL article on Utah being the #1 porn state (http://www.deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,705288350,00.html) that I forwarded yesterday. While the study referenced was not entirely accurate and a follow up article on KSL today diminishes the claim of Utah being #1 (http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=148&sid=5744801), my friend had some great thoughts. I included my response to him as well. I would be interested in any of your thoughts, so please reply if you want. If not, I apologize for sending over too much stuff, I never want to be that guy that forwards every little thing.
Response to article from my friend:

Ok, not great...but think about WHY. If you ask me, its because there are so many things that are denied to the people of Utah. I don't CHOOSE to look at porn, but seriously (and I am NOT a liberal weirdo) how much of Utah is controlled by the ultra conservative group? If you WANTED to look at porn, you can't get it on TV...if you WANTED to buy alcohol on Sunday, you can't get it in some Utah counties. If you WANTED a bloody pizza on Sunday, you can't get one in Utah county! Everything is closed. It's like all these debates about alcohol laws and removing the member label from clubs. What a joke!

I don't CHOOSE to do these things, but we have to remember, our Gospel is based on the FREEDOM TO CHOOSE. The entire Gospel plan is comprised of FREE AGENCY. Personally, I would love it if they would destroy porn, alcohol and everything else that is unrighteous....but if we did, then really, who's plan would that be??? I am honestly grateful that these choices exist, and that I CHOOSE not to participate in them. But I also know that when the rights of one man are diminished, the rights of all men are threatened.

Guess I got on a little soap box there...

My response to friend (I added one part after I sent it to him):

Joseph Smith said “I teach them the correct principles and let them govern themselves”. What you said, and how eloquently you said it, is the primary reason I think many people struggle with choice. Many feel as though they are being forced to live a certain way, and that it is not their choice. I know the standards that are trying to be maintained, and many need those sort of additional rules to live them. However, many more rebel because they feel like they have no choice. I agree that the greatest gift our Heavenly Father gave us was our agency. It was so important that he was willing to let 1/3 of all his kids leave because Satan’s plan took agency away, the right to choose. In my opinion, there is no better gift to our Heavenly Father than when we take the gift of agency he gave us, and choose to do the right. When we choose, of our own free will, to follow Him, we then can draw upon the powers of heaven.

I do not think that Heavenly Father wants us to be told and commanded in all things. “it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward.” (D&C 58:26). Heavenly Father doesn’t want a bunch of mindless followers, who make no choices. That was Satan’s plan, to force all of us to obey, have no choice, and all would return. While that might sound appealing, having all his children return to him, it would be at the cost of agency. He knew he couldn’t do that, and that he wouldn’t want to do that. He wants his sons and daughters to make choices, and choose to follow Him. He is wanting us to become Gods, not robots. The plan of salvation is a plan of choices, making good ones and bad ones. When bad ones are made, we repent, ask for forgiveness, and try to do better. In the process, we face consequences for those bad choices. When we make good choices, we don’t always have immediate blessings, but we are empowered from on high.

On a side note, agency is not free. In the scriptures it is never referred to as free agency, because the ability or right to choose came a hefty price. It cost Heavenly Father 1/3 of his children. It cost the Savior his life, to give us the ability to choose and then he would make up the debt to justice when we choose poorly. It cost so many good men and women their lives to defend our right to choose. My grandfather lost many friends, and nearly his own life in WWII when he was shot 5 times. We live in a country where we do get to choose (for the most part), and that ability to choose has been defended by brave men and women thru many conflicts. You defend our right to choose everyday as a police officer by taking those off the streets who have used their ability to choose in bad ways. How many cops have lost their lives in our service? So while the right and ability to choose does indeed exist, and it is a divinely mandated principle, it is not free, as it came at a very steep cost. “Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price (1st Corinthians 6:13-20). That price was the Savior’s life, and the lives of many good men and women.

Scoot over, I am joining you on the soap box (we might need a bigger one, I went on a cruise and ate way too much. Talk about your bad choices and now my shirt is tight, my belt is about to break, and I tried to play basketball last night and felt like having a heart attack. Guess I am facing those consequences for bad choices, :))